POST #90: CONFESSIONS OF A TECHNOPHOBE

Like most women of my generation, I’ve never been comfortable with technology. Men drove cars, fixed broken windows, repaired lamps. We were supposed to be decorative and cook. When the word processor came along, I took to that fairly easily; it was essentially just a smart typewriter. All the other bells and whistles were unfathomable – designed to be operated (and repaired) by the men in my life. Because I was paid to produce a newsletter several times a year, I acquired some additional skills: I can now send text and photographs to A MAN (Bob Callahan) who is a genius in Photoshop and puts it all together for me. I proudly take credit for the result, when all I did was use the computer to type and send photos. (yes, I know how to “SEND.”)

Photography is another mystery to me, although I have a couple of really great women photographer friends. I have a basic Point & Shoot camera (the $179. model) and now know which buttons to press. I know how to attach the camera cord to the computer, download my photos and SEND. Most recently, I discovered other miracles like cropping and enhancing. Will modern wonders never cease?

Part of this difficulty with technology is due to my age; I’m one of the few of my contemporaries who has any proficiency at all. Most of them own computers or I-Pads (bought for them by well-meaning children) but don’t know how to even open them When I ask if they have read any of my blogs, the usual reply is: “I need to wait ‘til one of my children stops by.” How can someone with a high IQ and an advanced degree from a reputable university not be able to open e-mail? This, of course, makes me feel very superior. I (capital letters, underlined) can open e-mail!!!!

My current challenge is my f-------g printer; I have a love-hate relationship with it. First of all, it’s ALWAYS out of ink. Hewlett Packard makes a living off suckers like me who buy cheap printers and then spend their life savings on ink cartridges. Lately, even the new cartridges weren’t working so I was forced to enlist the services of my computer guru, Bud Freund. He determined that I had left remains of the wrapping tape on the cartridge and that was literally gumming up the works. I am so angry at the machine (and myself) that I haven’t used it since.

I have decided that computers are like dogs; they sense fear. And that is why mine freeze up, gum up and generally screw up. They know I’m afraid of them and they are laughing at me. Thank God for people like Rosie who puts my blog together. Everybody is SO impressed with me. Little do they know that without the “young woman-next-door,” there would be no weekly message.

So, enjoy my son’s Photoshop paintings. I can’t believe I did them!

If you would like to see Ned's own work please click here.