My
husband, the psychologist, used to call them “gruesome twosomes,” couples who
were so unhappy, you could never understand why they stayed together. And yet,
stick together they did – anyone who tried to pry them apart quickly learned
that their misery was a form of ‘crazy glue,’ once applied, impossible to
remove.
I’ve
known lots of “gruesome twosomes” over the years. Their bond survives emotional
and physical abuse of the highest order, sometimes subtle, sometimes overt. I’ve
known couples who haven’t spoken to one another for decades, or, if they did,
it was only to insult or demean the another. I’ve known couples who haven’t
touched one another in years (forget actual sex). Amazingly, their bond
survives all challenges: infidelity (real and psychological), addiction,
indifference and plain old mental cruelty. If one of the pair attempts to
change, to make their lives better, the other fights tooth and nail to keep the
status quo.
What
keeps them together? What makes their relationship work while other, seemingly
better relationships fail? And God forbid you suggest they might (after
listening to them complain for decades) be happier apart, they will look at you
as if you were crazy. What? Take
all the fun out of their lives?
For
some strange reason, they make great subject matter for my paintings. George
Grosz, my idol, the German Expressionist, drew some of the best ‘gruesome
twosomes’ ever. Although I never
deliberately set out to draw them, they keep turning up in my work. Maybe it’s
because there are so many of them around.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
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